A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There is, however, a catch ....
You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down - except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking, and help with the housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day! Please send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Beware of older men - they only get wiser!
A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.
She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am? 'About 32,' is the reply.'
'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question..
The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'
The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question..
The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'
Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fine way to tell how old a woman was.
It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra..
Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her.
She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple.He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay....How old am I?'
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says,'Madam, you are 50.'
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?'
The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad?
'I promise I won't' she says.
'I was behind you at McDonalds.
She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am? 'About 32,' is the reply.'
'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question..
The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'
The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question..
The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'
Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fine way to tell how old a woman was.
It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra..
Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her.
She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple.He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay....How old am I?'
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says,'Madam, you are 50.'
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?'
The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad?
'I promise I won't' she says.
'I was behind you at McDonalds.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Special Grocery List
Louise Redden, a poorly
dressed lady with a look of defeat on her face, walked into a grocery store.
She approached the owner of the store in a most humble
manner and asked if he would let her charge a few groceries.
She softly explained that her husband was very ill and unable to work, they had seven children and they needed
food.
John Longhouse, the grocer, scoffed at her and requested that she leave his store at once.
Visualizing the family needs, she said: 'Please, sir! I will bring you the money just as soon as I can.'
John told her he could not give her credit, since she did not have a charge account at his store.
Standing beside the counter was a customer who overheard the conversation between the two. The customer walked forward and told the grocer that he would stand good for whatever she needed for her family. The grocer said in a very reluctant voice, 'Do you have a grocery list?'
Louise replied, 'Yes sir.' 'O.K' he said, 'put your grocery list on the scales and whatever your grocery list weighs, I will give you that amount in groceries..'
Louise hesitated a moment with a bowed head, then she reached into her purse and took out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it. She then laid the piece of paper on the scale carefully with her head still bowed.
The eyes of the grocer and the customer showed amazement when the scales went down and stayed down.
The grocer, staring at the scales, turned slowly to the customer and said begrudgingly, 'I can't believe it.'
The customer smiled and the grocer started putting the groceries on the other side of the scales. The scale did not balance so he continued to put more and more groceries on them until the scales would hold no more.
The grocer stood there in utter disgust. Finally, he grabbed the piece of paper from the scales and looked at it with greater amazement.
It was not a grocery list, it was a prayer, which said:
'Dear Lord, you know my needs and I am leaving this in your hands.'
The grocer gave her the groceries that he had gathered and stood in stunned silence.
Louise thanked him and left the store... The other customer handed a fifty-dollar bill to the grocer and said; 'It was worth every penny of it. Only God Knows how much a prayer weighs..'
THE POWER: When you receive this, say a prayer. That's all you have to do.
Just stop right now, and say a prayer of thanks for your own good fortune. Then please send this to all your friends and relatives.
I believe if you will send this testimony out with prayer in faith, you will receive what you need God to do in your and your families' life .
So dear heart, trust God to heal the sick, provide food for the hungry, clothes and shelter for those that don't have as we do. Amen & Amen
Don't break this, please!
Prayer is one of the best free gifts we
receive.
There is no cost but a lot of rewards.
May you always walk with Angels
God Bless!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I AM CLAIMING THIS FOR YOU
Three things will happen to you this coming week:
(1) You will find favor with someone you don't expect;
(2) You will be too relevant to be ignored;
(3) You will encounter God and you will never remain the same, Amen.
My prayer for you today:
The eyes beholding this message shall not behold evil, the hands that will send this message to others shall not labor in vain, the mouth saying Amen to this prayer shall laugh forever. Remain in God's love as you send this prayer to everybody on your list.
Have a lovely journey of life! Trust in the Lord with all your heart and He will never fail you because He is Awesome!
If you truly need a blessing, continue reading this email:
Heavenly Father, most Gracious and Loving God, I pray to you that you abundantly bless my family and me. I know that you recognize, that a family is more than just a mother, father, sister, brother, husband and wife, but all who believe and trust in you. Father, I send up a prayer request for blessings for not only the person who sent this to me, but for me and all that I have forwarded this message on to. And that the power of joined prayer by those who believe and trust in you is more powerful than anything. I thank you in advance for your blessings.
Father God, deliver the person reading this right now from debt and debt burdens. Release your Godly wisdom that I may be a good steward over all that You have given me Father, for I know how wonderful and mighty you are and how if we just obey you and walk in your word and have the faith of a mustard seed that you will pour out blessings. I thank you now Lord for the recent blessings I have received and for the blessings yet to come because I know you are not done with me yet. In Jesus name, I pray, Amen
TAKE 60 SECONDS and send this on quickly and with in hours, you will have caused a multitude of people to pray to God for each other. Then sit back and watch the power of God work in your life for doing the thing that you know He loves. Remain Blessed!!!
Peace and Blessings...
dressed lady with a look of defeat on her face, walked into a grocery store.
She approached the owner of the store in a most humble
manner and asked if he would let her charge a few groceries.
She softly explained that her husband was very ill and unable to work, they had seven children and they needed
food.
John Longhouse, the grocer, scoffed at her and requested that she leave his store at once.
Visualizing the family needs, she said: 'Please, sir! I will bring you the money just as soon as I can.'
John told her he could not give her credit, since she did not have a charge account at his store.
Standing beside the counter was a customer who overheard the conversation between the two. The customer walked forward and told the grocer that he would stand good for whatever she needed for her family. The grocer said in a very reluctant voice, 'Do you have a grocery list?'
Louise replied, 'Yes sir.' 'O.K' he said, 'put your grocery list on the scales and whatever your grocery list weighs, I will give you that amount in groceries..'
Louise hesitated a moment with a bowed head, then she reached into her purse and took out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it. She then laid the piece of paper on the scale carefully with her head still bowed.
The eyes of the grocer and the customer showed amazement when the scales went down and stayed down.
The grocer, staring at the scales, turned slowly to the customer and said begrudgingly, 'I can't believe it.'
The customer smiled and the grocer started putting the groceries on the other side of the scales. The scale did not balance so he continued to put more and more groceries on them until the scales would hold no more.
The grocer stood there in utter disgust. Finally, he grabbed the piece of paper from the scales and looked at it with greater amazement.
It was not a grocery list, it was a prayer, which said:
'Dear Lord, you know my needs and I am leaving this in your hands.'
The grocer gave her the groceries that he had gathered and stood in stunned silence.
Louise thanked him and left the store... The other customer handed a fifty-dollar bill to the grocer and said; 'It was worth every penny of it. Only God Knows how much a prayer weighs..'
THE POWER: When you receive this, say a prayer. That's all you have to do.
Just stop right now, and say a prayer of thanks for your own good fortune. Then please send this to all your friends and relatives.
I believe if you will send this testimony out with prayer in faith, you will receive what you need God to do in your and your families' life .
So dear heart, trust God to heal the sick, provide food for the hungry, clothes and shelter for those that don't have as we do. Amen & Amen
Don't break this, please!
Prayer is one of the best free gifts we
receive.
There is no cost but a lot of rewards.
May you always walk with Angels
God Bless!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I AM CLAIMING THIS FOR YOU
Three things will happen to you this coming week:
(1) You will find favor with someone you don't expect;
(2) You will be too relevant to be ignored;
(3) You will encounter God and you will never remain the same, Amen.
My prayer for you today:
The eyes beholding this message shall not behold evil, the hands that will send this message to others shall not labor in vain, the mouth saying Amen to this prayer shall laugh forever. Remain in God's love as you send this prayer to everybody on your list.
Have a lovely journey of life! Trust in the Lord with all your heart and He will never fail you because He is Awesome!
If you truly need a blessing, continue reading this email:
Heavenly Father, most Gracious and Loving God, I pray to you that you abundantly bless my family and me. I know that you recognize, that a family is more than just a mother, father, sister, brother, husband and wife, but all who believe and trust in you. Father, I send up a prayer request for blessings for not only the person who sent this to me, but for me and all that I have forwarded this message on to. And that the power of joined prayer by those who believe and trust in you is more powerful than anything. I thank you in advance for your blessings.
Father God, deliver the person reading this right now from debt and debt burdens. Release your Godly wisdom that I may be a good steward over all that You have given me Father, for I know how wonderful and mighty you are and how if we just obey you and walk in your word and have the faith of a mustard seed that you will pour out blessings. I thank you now Lord for the recent blessings I have received and for the blessings yet to come because I know you are not done with me yet. In Jesus name, I pray, Amen
TAKE 60 SECONDS and send this on quickly and with in hours, you will have caused a multitude of people to pray to God for each other. Then sit back and watch the power of God work in your life for doing the thing that you know He loves. Remain Blessed!!!
Peace and Blessings...
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